The Personal Side of Public Behavior
2025-11-22
While conversing with a friend the other day about the seemingly endless decline in societal standards of public behavior, I had a realization: there is nothing I can do about how other people conduct themselves; all I can do is conduct myself up to my own standards. This is not a newfound awareness - I can't count the number of times I have observed that the only thing I have control over in life is myself, and even this can be rather tenuous - yet each time I make such an observation my consciousness experiences a little jolt of surprised recognition.
What are the personal standards of public conduct to which I aspire? On reflection, here are few that come to mind:
- Treat every person with dignity. This applies especially to people who work in roles that many folks consider to be purely functional (waitresses, nurses, retail workers, librarians, flight attendants, janitors, customer service representatives, and the like). As an example, many years ago while eating a quick lunch in the Cleveland airport on my way to yet another technology conference, I had a brief conversation with the harried and likely underpaid waitress, making sure to address her by the name on her name tag. She tearfully said it was the first time that any patron had ever used her name!
- Say thanks. Another time while on a flight to some business destination or another, I happened to be sitting in the very back of the plane when I expressed my thanks to the flight attendant for handing me a snack. She in turn thanked me for this minor courtesy and mentioned that no one in the rows ahead of me had said thank you!
- Express empathy. If a person I'm interacting with isn't completely on their game, I try to imagine that perhaps they have recently lost a loved one, are in an abusive relationship, work two jobs, have financial or health problems, or are experiencing something equally difficult. What are my petty troubles compared to theirs?
- Compliment people who deserve it. When someone is especially kind, helpful, polite, elegant, or what have you, I try to compliment them on how they conduct themselves. In a professional context, what's even better is to tell their boss!
I describe these principles not to boast about how wonderful I am (I have a long way to go on the path to sagehood!), but to reinforce them in my own mind so that I can live up to them more consistently.
(Cross-posted at Beautiful Wisdom.)
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