Self-knowledge is difficult to acquire, but liberating once attained. Yet it happens, if at all, in a piecemeal fashion - something like the personal counterpart of what historian Carroll Quigley called, at the level of civilizations, "the gradual and communal search for truth". Recently I realized, while reflecting further on one of the soul workouts I completed six months ago, that I have become a very giving person. This comes as something of a surprise to me, because in my teens and early twenties I was very arrogant and self-absorbed. (I suppose many people are at that age, but it's something I regret - although, as I like to say, you're doing well if most of the things you regret doing happened before the age of 25.)
Although I can't quite account for it, the stance of freehearted giving that has emerged within me must have somehow grown over a span of years. Indeed, I feel that this stance is still in the early stages of blooming, because commitments that I never would have considered earlier in life keep coming unbidden to my mind as completely right - so right that I almost immediately decide to pursue them without much further reflection. The activities and behaviors involved can range from small to huge - from little gifts I've been giving to people I know would appreciate them, through steadfast assistance I've been giving to close friends and relatives, to massively meaningful offerings that are literally life-changing for a few special people in my life.
I don't know if the capacity for freehearted giving was always latent within me or whether it's something that has been activated through my experience of life. Even though it feels like an instance of becoming who you are (as Nietzsche put it), in the end I suppose it doesn't make much of a difference what the underlying cause really is.
I'm aware that freehearted giving can be rather risky, because I know that in the past some people have exploited this emerging propensity of mine. However, I tend to think I'm a fairly good judge of people and I've always been a cautious person; these qualities act as a counterweight to a developing level of generosity that could otherwise land me in trouble. As always, finding the beautifully right balance isn't easy, but I'm doing the best I can...
(Cross-posted at Beautiful Wisdom.)
FOR FURTHER EXPLORATION